GirlI want to tell you how you saved me. How you drew out those little pieces of me that survived that horrific relationship and lay them out on the grass so the sun could soak up all the tears. You shone a light on the good parts of me. I want to tell you how your love, though fleeting, gave me the courage to love myself just enough to get out. How you distracted me. How I loved you for the shortest time.Girl by carpefuckingdiem
We made each other laugh. This is how we spent our evenings: drinking and making up stories and playing “what if” and you always answering my obscure questions like they were nothing out of the ordinary. Playing games like have you ever and talking about books and places that changed our lives for the better and pretending we couldn’t remember what broke us. We always spoke about the future’s endless possibilities and all the things we’d do once we got the hell away from Edinburgh. It was good not
Letters.iii. for future reference: i will not blame you, the world will not hold you accountable and you must not, do you hear me, you must not blame yourself. i know there are times when you try to love me, but you need to stop, do you understand? on good days you are brave at best, foolish at worst. i am beautiful, my words could be something someday, you tell me. i must get better, better.Letters. by carpefuckingdiem
then there are your bad days. down the spiral staircase to that dusty place where no one can reach you. even then you are too proud to admit that love is difficult right now. it's an illness, you are allowed time off from your self-appointed position as mother and teacher and elder and carer of all things small and broken. it is an illness and it grabs you with it's iron claws and you, delicate, are powerless. you cannot love and neither can i. that is why i lie.
ii. there are times when even i cannot fathom the elaborate lies that fall from my c
shyness is endearing.There is no limit to the worthlessness a person can feel. You are subject to your own mental tortures. It is your own thoughts that haunt you. To you, you are not worthy of the ground you walk upon. To you, it is a cruel twist of fate that there are people who love you enough to touch your poisoned skin. To you, there are no words that can sanctify any small part of you. To you, there are a million beautiful people who deserve everything you have but shouldn't. Human beings have distorted perceptions that glorify certain things for reasons we will never comprehend. This causes ourselves to feel worthless by comparison. Do you see?shyness is endearing. by carpefuckingdiem
You have condemned yourself, it seems. You walk a desolate road littered with all the things that stop you from being great. And yet. And yet nobody else sees you this way. Nobody sees the putrid soul you yearn to purge. What they see is this: the smiles abrasive as furniture polish. The words. The echo of your footsteps. The swish of your lo
introvert.The bus shudders painfully through congested central Edinburgh and spits my reluctant self back out into the nail biting cold where my numerous layers will never be enough. Bones knock together seeking out fat cells to crawl beneath to keep warm. I should have stayed home.introvert. by carpefuckingdiem
Time drags itself infinitesimally across the cheap linoleum tiles. Squeak squeak. Tick tock. Crawled out of bed at one, exhausted and done with it all by half past two. I feel my lips move and stretch, vibrations climbing up my oesophagus and making those familiar sounds. Words. I scrunch up my face a lot. It's a nervous habit of mine: make a funny face, people laugh, lighten the mood, take the focus off my obvious lack of interest in it all. I go cross eyed. If the wind changes my face will stay like that. I know, I know. We all love a good cliché.
They eat and talk. That is what they do. I like the idea of dissociating myself from all the human beings I know. Sometimes I don't eat and sometimes I
a hospital bird with soot in her lungsshe slept through a car crasha hospital bird with soot in her lungs by nuisances
that almost killed her.
through whitewhite walls,
where her lover dies.
nobody thought she'd make it,
but she woke up a few months later
with flowers in her hair
and ash in her airway;
trying to remember how to start all over,
but forgetting to remember how to live.
fall slipped from her open eyes
and winter crawled in for a long hibernation
to her the clouds looked sick
and pale like they might
let everything inside them out,
but she opened up wide instead,
spilling blood where there was none to be spilled.
her heart slipped down the street
and with unsteady hands
she stitched in a bird and cut off its wings.
Shit, I've CrashedShit, I've crashed again.Shit, I've Crashed by Nefiret
Just like when you're eight and you call 911 and expect the police
never to come and fucking check up on you
But they do
Or when you're drenched with rain and that prick of a rainbow shines brighter than you've ever seen before
It always does.
And your mistakes leave your legs dangling
Your fingers in that tingling sleep
And there's a tumult of broken glass in your mind screaming
You've fucking failed again
You've fucking failed
So you fall to the ground
And sink your fingers into your matted hair
Bury your head in your knees
There are stars in your eyes.
departurejuly's gone, my deardeparture by YouInventedMe
those wasted days disappear
like your promises
Love Songs and GasolineI want the world to burn as much as I am (breaking),Love Songs and Gasoline by ChocoCoatedLemons
and if that means burning you, then
what are we waiting for, baby?
I want it all to crackle and hiss,
when the wood pops and the metal groans,
because maybe then I won't have to singe alone.
Billy Joel didn't start the fire, but I wouldn't mind it at all.
A match in one hand and a sonnet in the other, I'll bring you to your knees with
love songs and gasoline, because
if someone has to be the Fire-Starter(Heart-Breaker), then it might as well be
someone who really understands what it is to burst into f l a m e s,